Rebecca West: Words & Music

an autobiography by Rebecca Lynn West

Chapter 8

"This Is Who You Are!"

My search to find where I "belonged" was ongoing. I felt so lost, rejected, and unloved. Specific things began to happen and I know it was God's hand guiding me and showing me His love.

I was invited by a friend of mine to attend a wedding of a couple I did not know. I was reluctant to go, because I avoided such activities at the time. My friend insisted that I go with her. She did not want to go alone. So, reluctantly I went with her.

A day or so before the wedding I looked at the invitation card and discovered that the wedding was being held at the Bethel Pentecostal church building. This was the church that my dad had pastored many years ago. The building had been vacant for some time and then turned into a beautiful wedding chapel.

The day of the wedding came and I walked into the chapel. Immediately, all of my childhood memories came rushing back to me. It was at that wonderful moment that I heard God's voice loud and clear: "This is who you are!"

My heart leaped inside of me and suddenly I felt more peaceful than I had in months! This was a milestone for me on my journey. At that moment I felt loved again. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and joy flooded my heart! I realized that the Holy Spirit was telling me that my identity is in Him! My search for finding my place was over. My spiritual roots began here in this place, this small Pentecostal church building, where my mom and dad taught me about God. So, as the Holy Spirit spoke to me that day, I was reminded of who I am in Christ. He is my all in all, everything I need or ever will need.

I looked around and remembered. It was the same beautiful hardwood floor, the same church pews, and the same little platform where my dad stood and preached and where I sang my very first song in public at the age of three. I walked into the very small parsonage and remembered all of the beautiful moments and years our family had lived there. The parsonage had been turned into a supply room for wedding gowns, etc., but the rooms were the same. I knew God had brought me here to remind me of my heritage and to speak to me while I was reliving it all again in my mind. What precious memories! They still linger in my heart and will always be a big part of who I am. This is the foundation I lean on. It really is "who" I am!

Another year passed and to my surprise I had survived!

I learned to drive by myself to the grocery store, but felt sorry for myself when I had to take all of the groceries in by myself. I always had help with this before. I had one pity party after another. I had to learn to put fuel in the car. I had never done this before either.

I would find myself alone in a restaurant at a table for one while an old familiar love song played in the background, and tears flowed down my face once again. "Would this feeling ever end?" I wondered. My heart actually ached physically from my grief. There were couples sitting close by, and they looked so happy. I could barely stand the pain. And I went home alone again...

Many times the choices of others are inflicted upon us and we are thrown into circumstances that are so painful and cruel. Heartbreakingly cruel! Almost too sad to write. It is only by the grace of God that I am able to write my story now, years later.

God's healing hand of mercy has led me through the dark nights of despair that I thought would never end. I felt like I was walking through the fire.

I knew my life was not over... but where was God leading me? A new and unfamiliar road was just ahead!

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