Rebecca West: Words & Music

Meet the Enemy at the Gate

Visualize a gate at the entrance to your home. If someone tries to enter with the intention of harming you, you would stop them before they could enter. It's the same way when dealing with an emotional manipulator. You must learn to meet your enemy at the gate, and prevent them from harming you emotionally.


When you are dealing with an aggressive person, you will need to be sensitive to your "gut feelings" to the use of these tactics if you are to avoid being taken in by them. This is why being sensitive to the Holy Spirit is so important. The Holy Spirit is your Guide and Protector in all matters of your life, including dealing with manipulators who love to take advantage of you. The Comforter, which is the Holy Spirit, walks beside you, and is continuously advising you and protecting you. He is aware of the emotional currents you are experiencing when faced with a manipulator.


A manipulator's aggression is not obvious. The tactics they use seem like they are hurting or caring... anything but fighting. These tactics not only make it hard for you to tell that a manipulator is fighting, but this also keeps you on the defensive. Our lack of self-knowledge sets us up to be exploited. Our lack of knowledge of the Word of God can promote failure to overcome these obstacles and manipulations.


Defense Mechanisms are used to help ensure they get what they want. Aggressive personalities employ them primarily to manipulate, control, and achieve dominance over others. Anyone using these tactics is trying to ensure that something they want to happen will indeed happen.


Denial is when the aggressor refuses to admit that they have done something harmful or hurtful when they clearly have. Playing innocent invites the victim to feel unjustified in confronting the aggressor about the inappropriateness of a behavior. Denial is a maneuver the aggressor uses to get you to back off, back down, or even feel guilty for insinuating that he is doing something wrong.


Selective Inattention! This is when the aggressor plays dumb or acts oblivious to what you have to say. In their mind, actively listening to someone else, is an act of submission. This is one thing a manipulator is not willing to do. When someone is not responding directly to an issue, you can be assured that they are trying to give you the slip.


Covert aggressive personalities are prone to lying in subtle, covert ways. One way to minimize the chances that someone will put one over on you is to remember that this type of person will generally stop at nothing to get what they want. Keep in mind lying is a game they play, either by outright lying or omission.


Projecting the blame... Covert-aggressives are not only skilled at finding scapegoats, they are experts at doing so in subtle, hard to detect ways. Aggressive personalities are always looking for ways to shift the blame for their own behavior.


When dealing with manipulators, they will drain you. Battles drain you. But remember, you have the Encourager inside of you. The Holy Spirit becomes an enemy to your enemies! Read Exodus 23:22. "But if you will indeed listen to and obey His voice, and all that I speak, then I will be an enemy to your enemies, and an adversary to your adversaries." (Amplified Bible)


The Holy Spirit will impart power to your life. The Holy Spirit gave you the Word of God as a weapon against your enemy. Ephesians 6:17 says, "And take the helmet of salvation and the sword that the Spirit wields, which is the Word of God." (Amplified Bible)


The Holy Spirit is the one who knows the weaponry you need to be an overcomer. Your dependency upon Him is the real reason you can succeed. The Holy Spirit will reveal specific wisdom you require for living an overcoming life. Pray in the Spirit. Listen to His voice. Not by your own might, but by the Spirit of God living in you.


This scripture is one of my very favorites, and I would like to share it with you now. It seems so appropriate in this article, but it is a prayer that I pray every day of my life.


"But no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be wrong. This (peace, righteousness, security, triumph over opposition) is the heritage of the servants of the Lord (those in whom the ideal Servant of the Lord is reproduced), this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me (this is that which I impart to them as their justification), says the Lord." (Isaiah 54:17, Amplified Bible)


~ Rebecca




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